Slap O' Sense Award Creative Cops 1/23/07

Today’s Slap O’ Sense Award goes to any and all who accuse law enforcement of lacking imaginative ways of fighting crime.
Oh boy, are you wrong.
In all fairness, sometimes police officers do exactly what you expect them to. They arrest the bad guys, help the good guys and eat any suspicious-looking donuts.
Yay.
They even go above and beyond the call of duty. Such as the off-duty policeman who followed San Diego Chargers’ Steve Foley erratically-driven automobile for 20 miles outside his jurisdiction and, after Foley got out of his car, shot him, but only after he shot a “warning shot into the bushes and two shots toward the sky.”
I always thought “toward the sky” meant “up” but maybe they do things differently in Coronado.
That would never happen in Oregon where I live now. Here law enforcement officers of all departments are fully aware of the stiff penalties that can result from shooting an unarmed shrubbery. We not only hug our trees here; we hug the bushes as best as we can but it’s kind of hard because they have so many pokey things.
I think that’s the state motto.
But don’t think they’re too quick to play cops and robbers only in southern California. If you’re a criminal, be grateful you don’t live in Kenya. There the police shoot the suspects rather than go to the trouble of arresting them.
I kid you not.
Over a seven-year period, 70 percent of all gunshot deaths were a result of police bullets. And get this; it doesn’t work!
The Commission Chairman said “Police have been killing robbery suspects for more than ten years but this has not deterred criminal activity.”
I guess killing suspects without due process is not considered a “criminal activity.” Either that or the robbery suspects are too slow to outrun bullets or just dumber than dirt. Here are words to live by: If you’re going to commit robbery don’t do it in Texas or Kenya.
Brazil’s civil police regularly use torture to extract forced confessions and THEN do the investigation.
I guess it would cut down on the paperwork but personally, I would rather they sacrifice a few rain forests in the interests of justice.
What I truly appreciate is those creative departments who use music.
The Waco Incident was reported as a widespread failure on the part of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) because of the botched raid and subsequent “early exit” by the members of the Branch Davidian cult.
What was underreported was that during the siege, the ATF blasted “music, including Tibetan chants and Christmas music through the night to disorientate Koresh and his followers.”
By the third chorus of “Sleigh Bells,” anyone would contemplate suicide. Throw in some Tibetan chants and I think we’d all march off the cliff like lemmings.
President Manuel Noriega of Panama was also tortured during the military standoff. Heavy metal and hip-hop music was blasted in order “to try to get the General to surrender.” It worked but Amnesty International has filed a protest.
An Australian local council in Rockdale is using “Barry Manilow and Doris Day to chase away car enthusiasts who were gathering on weekend nights.”
However, residents living near the park are quite upset. “They say the barrage of ‘Copacabana,’ ‘Could It Be Magic,’ and ‘Que Sera Sera’ blasting from 9 pm to midnight every Friday, Saturday and Sunday is driving them crazy.”
Point well taken. I’m not sure the Australian authorities have thought this all the way through. Do they really want residents and car enthusiasts en masse shaving their heads in anguish and committing gory suicide like the Branch Davidians? A bunch of angry, bald and enraged Australians on the verge of despair may be yet another sign of the Apocalypse. If it’s not; it should be.
While I normally would applaud creativity and ingenuity in fighting crime, I think the Tijuana Police force may need to adjust tactics. Currently, they are defending themselves with slingshots.
Two weeks ago President Calderon sent more than 3000 soldiers and federal police to the area to hunt down drug gangs. But some of these same officers of the law decided to use their guns to help the traffickers. So, the police department “has issued 60 slingshots and bags of ball bearings to officers still on patrol.”
King David not withstanding, I really don’t think slingshots and ball bearings are going to be effective against Goliath drug dealers.
I’m sorry but my pitiful imagination just can’t see that.
www.lynetteisfunny.com
www.slaposense.com