Potential Mt. Hood Climbers

Today’s Slap O’ Sense Award goes to anyone even considering hiking up Mt. Hood in the winter season.
You pinheads.
Don’t give me this crap about the “challenge” of it all. If the deaths of over 130 climbers trying to either reach the peak at 11,249 feet or trying to get back down doesn’t send a message, I’m sorry, you are simply too stupid to live.
When one of you gets lost, a whole slew of individuals and organizations rally to try and find you, putting themselves at risk. Never mind the financial cost since most of these groups are volunteers, you are risking innocent, and one would assume, smarter people’s lives all so you can live the high life with gusto in Marlboro Country.
Please, I beg of you, just do drugs instead. Then, you’ll only be hurting yourself and everyone else can stay home where it’s dry and warm.
Normally, I wouldn’t even care if a whole busload of climbers wanted to shinny up the mountain wearing only Speedos but now they are fighting Oregon state lawmakers who are considering making it mandatory for climbers to carry an electronic locator unit. This device is small, about the size of a pair of sunglasses, and will help the brave rescue and recovery crews find your sorry ass when you find out it’s impossible to know which way is up when you’re in the middle of a white-out, an occurrence that happens quite frequently IN THE WINTER.
I don’t about the mountains where you idiots are home based are like but the mountains in our reality have snow and in the winter, the mountains get more snow. It’s really not that hard of a concept to grasp.
Furthermore, the mountains in Oregon are not like Disneyland. There are no guides carrying red flags to show you the way. Taxis are even harder to flag down than they are in New York City. There are no snack stands, bathrooms or gift shops anywhere. Woodland creatures will not burst into song at any time. There are no marked trails; it’s called wilderness for a reason.
Recently, there were three hikers that were rescued on the mountain after falling off an icy ledge. They were rescued because they had one of these devices and also because they brought their dog.
Why, I do not know, although it seems by snuggling around the canine for extra warmth, none of the three suffered serious hypothermia. Yay for the dog, Velvet, the black Labrador mix, but as anyone who has ever come in contact with a Lab can tell you; they don’t get their brains for at least three years. I don’t know what the hikers’ collective excuse was, however.
But by using their personal locator unit, the exercise was a rescue mission, not a recovery effort.
So if you insist on demonstrating your complete lack of intelligence and logical thinking, for the sake of the rescue team, please take one of these devices with you. If you refuse, for the sake of expediency, please leave your final will and testament at the base of the mountain.